Signs Of Maturity

-Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
-Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
-You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
-6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
-You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
-You watch the Weather Channel.
-Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
-You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
-Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
-You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
-Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
-You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
-Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
-You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
-Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
-You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
-Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
-Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
-You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
-A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
-You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
-“I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
-90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
-You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
-You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn’t apply to you.


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