You know you’re living in 2005 when…

1 – you accidentally enter your password on a microwave

2 – you haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years

3 – thE reaL reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don’t have a screen name

4 – you’d rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing to button on the tv.

6 – your boss dont even have the ability to do your job.

7 – you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling

8 – as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your
friends

9 – and.. you were to busy to notice number 5.

10 – you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5

11 – & now you’re laughing at your stupidity

Just moved to Arizona! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here.
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Don’t let your worries get the best of you, remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited – until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
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http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/articles/050808sh_shouts

WHAT I’D SAY TO THE MARTIANS
by Jack Handey

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

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Thought this might amuse you.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her son’s house.
She knocked on the door then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
What are you doing?” she asked.
I’m waiting for John to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.
“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.
“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.
“Love dress? But you’re naked!”
“John loves me to wear this dress,” she explained. “It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can’t get enough of me.
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and
laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“This is my love dress,” she whispered, sensually.
“Needs ironing,” he said. “What’s for dinner

-Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
-Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
-You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
-6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
-You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
-You watch the Weather Channel.
-Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
-You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
-Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
-You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
-Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
-You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
-Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
-You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
-Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
-You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
-Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
-Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
-You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
-A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
-You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
-”I just can’t drink the way I used to,” replaces, “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
-90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
-You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
-You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn’t apply to you.

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a businesslike manner.
7. You make phone calls from home and you accidentally dial “9″ to get an outside line.
8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock news.
11. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.